DO YOU LOVE APPLES? Do you enjoy applesauce as much as I do? Do you eat children? Yes? Then you are in for a treat! I’m about to share with you a recipe that’s been passed down through generations. It’s been in my family for centuries, and the recipe has never changed. That’s how good it is. Simple. Delicious. I have always loved it, and I bet you will too. If you don’t… Well then, I might just murder you and use your organs for other fun family foods.

You may think Infant Applesauce à la Anus would be difficult to make, but let me tell you, it’s as easy as stuffing apples and infant puree in your mouth and shitting it out later. Plus, it only calls for four ingredients! A simple, yet elegant dish that’s perfect for children’s birthdays, holidays such as Christmas or Thanksgiving, or any other special day. Plus, it’s both low-carb and gluten free!

Here you’ll find a well-detailed list of the ingredients as well as complete instructions on how to make this delectable family treat. If you’re worried you lack the culinary skills to prepare the dish, follow the easy instructions below, and soon you will be cramming your face full of Infant Applesauce à la Anus. Simple!

Choose Your Apples:

Pick any type of apple that suits your needs. Go out and buy your favorite kind, or use whatever you have lying around. It can be a fan favorite like the Honeycrisp, the Gala, the Golden Delicious, or even an apple that is a cross between two varieties, such as the Jonagold. Personally, I love a nice tart and crisp Granny Smith. There is something about the taste and texture that makes both my mouth and anus happy. If you can’t afford to buy any apples, steal some from an old lady. They are basically defenseless, so free apples. You may have to bash her head in, if she’s a fighter.

Find An Infant or Fetus

Locate an infant or discarded fetus that no one wants. Anything will do, but the fresher the better. You don’t want any old rotten fetus that’s been lying around in a hot dumpster, do you? No. It will stink and taste terrible. If you get desperate, set up a fake abortion clinic and get one that way. If the mother dies, you can eat her too! Mom Steak. Delicious.

Making The Applesauce:

After you gather all the ingredients, follow the simple recipe below for a delicious treat the whole family will enjoy.

Ingredients:

*Between one and four Apples. Peeled, chopped, and cored

*One half cup white, granulated sugar

*One teaspoon ground cinnamon

*One fresh infant or fetus, ground

Directions

1. Gather ingredients.

2. In a bowl, combine apple chunks with sugar and cinnamon and mix thoroughly.

3. Add ground infant or fetus, stir until apple chunks are fully coated.

4. Pour the unholy mixture into a blender and pulse until smooth. (Add water or apple juice if too thick.)

5. Drink the entire contents of blender.

6. Wait until your next bowel movement.

7. Once everything has traveled through your digestive system, simply squat over your favorite bowl and drop a fat dookie. Don’t forget to wipe!

8. Enjoy Infant Applesauce à la Anus, a tasty, warm treat.

Happy eating, from my family to yours.

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